I leaned toward my lawyer and whispered to him after the denying of the divorce, “Book the tickets.” The divorce was final, and I needed to get away. I was strapping my youngest into an airplane seat while the two older ones were stunned in silence with their backpacks they had carried into the courthouse.
While I was doing this, Daniel’s family had assembled together in a bright and cheerful maternity clinic waiting to hear the baby beat that they were already convinced was the baby that would be their family member. They were happy. They were proud. They believed they had won.
What they did not know was the doctor was about to destroy their happiness. When the judge finished signing my divorce, I did not cry. I had already shed all my tears by this point. I had cried several months prior in my laundry room, after hearing a woman call my husband. I had cried when I discovered a message on his phone that seemed harmless but held a closeness that no longer belonged to me.
After that, I cried everywhere — in my kitchen, in my car, and at least once when I was gripping the steering wheel in a grocery store parking lot. But I did not cry in court; I was calm.
“Mrs. Carter,” the judge asked, “do you accept the terms of your divorce?” I said, “Yes, Your Honor.” I was not shaking.
Daniel sat at the opposite corner of the room from me; he had a look of relief and anxiety about him, and he was anxious to be finished.Likewise for me.
The proposal on paper appeared like an agreement to me. Daniel kept the property, the majority of the assets, and would retain his business accounts. I received the kids and a small settlement. All in all, it appeared to third parties like I came out a loser.
Daniel’s mother was in the back of the courtroom and was whispering to his sister while stifling the grin that she was obviously having difficulty concealing. They thought I had received nothing.
Perhaps they had to believe that I got nothing.
When the hearing concluded, Daniel got up quickly and picked up his mobile telephone.
“I am glad that is over,” he whispered.